NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS FOR THE OLDER GENERATION:
BRACE, PACE AND GRACE YOURSELF
It’s that time of year again! The blessed seasons of Chanukah and Christmas 2008 are past, and as they recede, it has become New Year’s, and time to take stock --perhaps to make meaningful resolutions. You think you are too old to be doing that? Think again! Three of the wisest resolutions are yours to make, if you are among those in the over-sixty-five.crowd!
Say to yourself, for instance, “I will brace myself for what lies ahead.” This means I will realistically examine my future, in terms of naturally waning physical powers and diminishing choices in life. At some level, increasingly we all become aware that unlimited alternatives are not “out there” anymore.
When we are younger, we almost always think, “I’ll do that someday,” or “I’ll sometime get around to going there.” But with the years accumulating, we begin to see, perhaps wistfully, that some doors will never be opened to us, i.e., we will not be making that trek to Nepal to climb Mt. Everest, --we will not take that leisurely voyage to the South Seas.
True, that kind of realization is sad and disappointing. But Helen Keller wisely observed that when certain doors are closed in our life experiences, we often so much concentrate on the closure, -- the loss, -- that we fail to see other doors open for us to enter upon. Thus if I cannot financially or physically make a certain trip to a distant land or island, there are shorter trips I can take, and I can always travel in my mind by reading about a desired destination. In this age of videos and DVDs, I can actually see those wonderful places “in living color.”
I often take the Metro Red Line, a subway that links downtown Los Angeles with the San Fernando Valley. As the speeding train takes me closer to whatever stop I choose, I stand and brace myself for the final mile. It reminds me of rides on the ‘A’ train 58 years ago when I commuted from San Francisco to Berkeley to attend University.
To brace yourself, you steady yourself by holding on firmly to the aisle supports and you stand erect and ready. That’s the physical posture of bracing. In life, bracing oneself means identifying and holding on steadfastly to the support systems already in our lives. It also means taking a firm stand for our most deeply held beliefs and meanings. That’s the kind of bracing we can resolve to do.
Secondly, in the way of resolutions, say to yourself, “If I haven’t learned to yet, I resolve to pace myself in the coming year.” That means examining the parameters of my physical strength and endurance and flowing within those boundaries, maximizing my best hours and providing for “down time.”
For instance, I’m a “morning person,” and seem to have great reserves of energy for doing tasks, --writing, editing, accounting, whatever, -- during a long morning. But come noon, -- then lunch, -- I, with my partner, am ready for a nap. A sign on our door once said, “Old folks in here. We nap from 1-3 p.m. daily. Catch you later!” Now the sign reads, “Day sleeper, do not disturb!”
The nap revives the two of us and we return in mid-afternoon to other tasks that need to be accomplished. Sometimes, energized by the nap, we are ready later in the day for a trip to the gym to swim laps and end with a soak in the hot tub! In our younger years, we both used to be hard-driven “workaholics,” and naps were not a possibility, nor a probability. Now at ages 77 and 87, we work a nap into even a day of driving or visiting others.
My computer was once “on the fritz”. I found a computer repair expert of 30 years’ experience in a nearby town. He, like myself, was in the seventies and he, too, had been a life-long “workaholic.” On the advice of his doctor, he began to “cut back” in the amount of repair work he set himself to accomplish. This computer whiz now keeps strict work hours, sets “vacation days,” and his dear wife has renewed his interest, long laid aside, in model trains. He spends his evenings now enjoying the trains. He has learned to pace himself. You can too!
Finally, resolve to grace yourself in the coming years. If something gives you exquisite pleasure, indulge yourself in enjoyment of that experience. Don’t have guilt for spending a day at the beach or the lake, just doing nothing but taking in the scenery or visiting with others. Don’t deny yourself the pleasure of reading a book from cover to cover in a whole day, or finishing a picture or craft you’ve started. Other tasks can wait for another day. Take what I call the “Scarlett O’Hara” stance: “Tomorrow is another day.” Savor what each day has to offer you in rich, meaningful experience and the memories thereafter.
We’ve all heard that wonderful advice, “Take time to smell the roses.” Well, now is that time in our lives! The roses are out there, --real roses and gardenias and jasmine to smell, -- and other experiences fragrant and beautiful, just waiting for us to pause and take them in. One of the most pleasurable events in my life these days is occasionally to walk with my two youngest grandchildren. As we amble along, we discuss everything and anything we see in their small planned community. Each of us are banking loving remembrances of these sun-filled strolls where we note the changes in nature around us.
During these “flower walks,” I have connected with my own childhood, when my beloved grandmother strolled with me and helped me name and love the flowers that abound in Southern California. I never see a Picasso Canna lily without remembrance of that dear lady who graced my early life. Here is a poem I wrote to commemorate that experience and it embodies the one I share with my grandchildren when I visit them.
No priestess I, but merely
An old and mortal woman,
Lifting high the chalice of my bodily life,
Its once overflowing contents nearly spent.
Altho’ yet but a few swallows remain
Of sweet physical life, the bouquet ether
Of memories reaches to and fills the brim.
And I inhale them as once
I quaffed all life’s contents down.
Tenderly and fondly, I recall “Flower Walks”
With my life-and-nature-loving Grandmother.
I replicate these flower-gazing strolls,
Hand-in-hand, with my grandchildren duo,
Breathing gardenias they’ll always remember.
O, Life, “Blessed are you, fruit of the vine,
And work of human hands.”
Well, readers, here’s wishing each of you good health and great peace in 2009. Remember, as you make your resolutions those elements of the famous Serenity Prayer:Serenity to accept what is and cannot be changed, courage to change what one can, and wisdom to know the difference. Go for it! Brace, pace and grace yourself! May you have a New Year rich with blessings!
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